I originally thought that it was a pretty defeatist attitude to have tattooed permanently on your body, but 20 years later it feels rather appropriate for my life.
Don't get me wrong...my life is good. I have a beautiful wife that puts up with me. I have two terrific kids. I have a dog named Mookie. I have a great house...that is in a great town. I can't complain. But I will.
My oldest child...The Attack (for blogging purposes) is a Type 1 Diabetic (thus the name of the blog). It SUCKS! I put it in caps with an exclamation point because I am trying to scream it to you... No one (other than a T1D or a close family member or friend of one) gets it. It is 24 hrs. a day. 7 days a week. There is never a vacation. There is never a break.
A quick summary of Type 1 Diabetes (if you don't know) is this. It is believed that a virus triggers it and ultimately this auto-immune disease begins with your body attacking your insulin producing beta cells. This breaks your pancreas. Insulin is a hormone that helps move sugar (glucose) into your body's tissues. Your cells use this as fuel. No insulin = high blood sugar. High blood sugar produces dehydration, weight loss, long term body damage and Diabetic ketoacidosis (DKA) - which is life threatening if not treated right way.
Also, TYPE 1 DIABETES is different than TYPE 2 DIABETES (again the caps). The Attack did not get it because we fed him the wrong foods or because he ate too much sugar or because we are bad parents. He got T1D because he won the s$%^iest lottery ever!
Please don't tell me that T1D is curable (because it is not). Don't tell me it will get better (because it won't). And don't tell me that you know what it's like because your overweight parent that never watched what they ate has it and only has to take a pill (again...TYPE 2 DIABETES).
Needless to say, as caretakers for a T1D child, we (my wife and I) are forced to think and act like a pancreas. We have finger sticks (to check BG (blood glucose) levels), a CGM (that gets attached to his body to also check BG automatically) and an insulin pump (OmniPod) to deliver insulin. The average person has a BG of 80-100. The Attack has a BG of 40-550 (that is the lowest and highest it has gone). He should be between 80-180...
By the way...if you miscalculate, or if he has too much exercise, or is excited, etc. he could go low. If he goes too low (40 and below) it could effect brain function. If he is too low for an extended period of time (such as overnight)...he could slip into a coma and die. Because of this, my wife wakes up 1-? times a night to make sure his BG is ok and he is still breathing.
How do we do it? We do it because we don't have a choice. The alternative is earth shattering.
When you put anything else in life on top of T1D, it starts to feel like someone "up there" is just f@#$ing with you... Don't know what you want to do when you grow up? That's ok...we'll make it so you don't really have a choice. Think that you have bills under control...here's a few more! You want a tax refund...that's fine, but when you file you'll realize that someone else already filed with your SS#!
Sometimes. Most times. I really do feel like Howard's tattoo. Born to lose.
But then I wake up and realize I'm alive and so is the family (even the 13 year old Mini Schnauzer).
We have everything we need...and a whole bunch we don't want.
But life is too short. Maybe today I'll look at it as the glass being half full.
And I'll take losing...
And I'll take losing...
